we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
