it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
