Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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