I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
