She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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