drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
