My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Randomize
