We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
