I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
