the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
