He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
he wants to bone in the snuggie
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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