i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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