found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
