I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Randomize
