She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
