So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
