I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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