it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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