I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I wish there were birth control emojis
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
