apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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