I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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