ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Randomize
