I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
