the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
