3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
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