yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
