u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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