I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
