I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
