My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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