my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
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