I think i peed on brittanys purse
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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