we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
