just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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