Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
