Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
