He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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