Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
