Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
