'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
The beer is more important than you right now.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
