If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
