I hate your face
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
