So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Randomize
