I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
