Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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