How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
