And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
