until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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