The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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