you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
