my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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