You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
