So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
